Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
