God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
