Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
