you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
