Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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