I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
