i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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