you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
