i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They took my balls.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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