The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
