My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she peed on how many people?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize