I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize