toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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