I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
