I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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