At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
