Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
