The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
