I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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