Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize