wanna go halves on a baby?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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