Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
