This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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