I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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