Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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