This is not my ceiling
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
