let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize