i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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