I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
