I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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