well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So squirting runs in the family.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize