dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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