Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
