I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
