I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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