that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize