just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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