Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize