So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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