Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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