i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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