just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
