i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
