if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
