We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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