Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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