i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
