Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
