Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
