There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
