Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize