i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize