I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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