You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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