I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
