Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
