when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
