Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My ass is underappreciated
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
