dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
