You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
3pm strippers are depressing
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
