my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
