I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
