This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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