I just cut my nipple shaving
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
