How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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