You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
